Sister Sage's Musings

Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Well, the Reseau Liberte Quebecois, aka The Tea-bagger hit parade, the Quebecois edition, as I’ve mentioned, is having their launching luncheon at Hotel des Gouverneurs Ste-Foye in Quebec City come October 23.  For those who haven’t caught the details of this extravaganza, details here.

Now, if I were catering the event. I think the most fitting meal that can be served would be….

Feeling green around the gills yet?

That meat, green; moldy and oldy just like Steve’s and those tea-baggers’ politics and ideologies. That oughta war their hearts (if they had any) and stick to their ribs.

Only fitting a meal, naturally. For the extra 10$ the meat won’t be as green, perhaps.

The pork is, of course, cured at the same butcher shop as  Steve’s meat baloney.

Whew! After creating that monstrosity and having seen the package of Steve’s baloney over at Pale’s, am I glad I don’t eat red meat! Yeah, I know, pork is considered white meat. It crawls on four legs, it’s gross; I don’t eat that neither.

Well, I remember how the Blogging SupposiTories were mercilessly chiding Iggy for getting down and boogying in front of the Much Music building during the Liberal Bus tour.

Now, Stevie Spiteful does it in the Arctic; some native dance. Betcha Hunter, Sandra Dee Crux and the rest of those  Shrieking cheerleaders known as the ‘ladies’ of the Blogging SupposiTories are going to fawn, faint and perhaps cream their panties over their Steve is oh so dreamy over the following video:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/video/stephen-harper-dances/article1685888/

Sorry, couldn’t find a copy on YouTube. Just click the link above. You know ya wanna!

Perhaps this is his way of scaring those evil Russians from flying near our air space?  Yes, must fend off those evul commie spirits now!

Ah, poor Kathy. It must be hard being married to Blazin’ cat fur; Mr Shaidle. It must also be hard to be so unemployable and have to beg folks to buy books the 1$ bin at Walmart can’t even flog off.

She now wants to host a game show. Actually, it’s more like a cross between a game show and so-called reality TV. Kinda like a cross between American Idol and Canada’s Worst Handiman or something along those lines. No, it has nothing to do with talent or knowledge of Trivia.

I’ll just let Kathy explain it herself, in her own words:

People would nominate that neighbor or co-worker they hate, and they’d come on the show (because few people can resist going on TV even for the worst reason) and besides a driving test, they’d get ranked on:

• lingering, unpleasant cooking aromas and loud screeching “music”
• disgusting cultural habits like spitting (and worse) on the sidewalk
• refusal to speak English (even when they know how)
• refusing to line up for stuff and resistance to other quaint Canadian customs, like decent customer service and not marrying your cousin
• overwhelming attachment to the “old country”
• overall belligerence and troublemaking

The nation votes a la American Idol and the loser gets stuck in a dinghy and pushed out to sea.

What does the winner get?  Do they win dinner at Toronto’s finest restaurant as well as being trapped inside the CN Tower’s elevator with Mr. & Mrs. Shaidle? Nah, some booby prize.   Or does the winner get to push Kathy & hubby in that dinghy toward the winner’s home country? Or do they simply push them off the dinghy when they see the sharks?  Nah, don’t wanna frighten the sharks.

Not Hot: Jane Taber

Let me get this straight; in the world according to Jane Taber, Tony Clement who looks & talks like the Adams Family butler is hot? I had to read this twice. Even Jane can’t be this much of a cheerleader for the Harpercons, especially not for this flunkie.

Feeling all alone in his defence of the government’s decision to scrap the long-form census, the Industry Minister moved this week to mitigate some of the outrage by including language-related questions in the compulsory short-form census. He also announced the government would drop jail time as a punishment for not complying with the mandatory aspect of the census.

In an interview with The Globe and Mail, Mr. Clement talked about the fall-out from the controversy: “I would have preferred to have spent my summer a bit more quietly. In politics as you know, you take the adversity as well the good stuff. Right?”

Mr. Clement also talked about the media coverage: “I am not responsible for creating headlines. I am not responsible for how things are reported. But I did say and I still say Statscan gave us some options to mitigate the risks and we chose one of those options. That’s factually true.”

Are you also feeling all alone, Jane? Is Lurch’s missing link that great company?

Oh and Jane, the Harpercons were offered compromises to take the threat of jail out of the equation by the opposition. Guessed you all musta missed that one. Not to mention, the threat of jail is still lurking for those who don’t fill the short form or the agricultural census form. After all, how else are they going to fill those big-assed super private prisons?  Unreported criminals  simply won’t do.

Oh, boys n’ girls, it gets funnier:  Jane thinks the Parliamentary Press Gallery is Not hot because wingnut  radio talk host Dave Rutherford attacked them for being to “liberally biased”.

“We’ve seen the census coverage. We’ve seen some of the commentators – the columnists in Ottawa, Toronto – just hyperventilating about this ridiculous census story and they’re all saying almost exactly the same thing. Very interesting.”

And this is why the Parliamentary press gallery ain’t so hot? Because Dave Rutherford’s feeble lack of originality like most Harpercon media hacks?  Or was it simply because Taber was not invited to the parliamentary press gallery’s reindeer games?

Another thing our pal Jane Taber doesn’t think is quite so hot is Stevie spiteful’s polling numbers going on a downward spiral. And the Blogging SupposiTories think she’s a liberal shill?? Nuff said.

Oh and apparently, what is hot in her books is that Ol’ Jimbo Flaherty and Porky Puffy Duffy are out spending on what is, no doubt, useless to most Canadians and spreading the gospel according to King Stevie along with other Harpercons scurrying about with their pork barreling.

Yes, an epidemic is coming back with a fury, I tell you! Liberal Derangement syndrome is back!

Speaking of  nasty Harpercon super bugs, what I think is hot is the following  comment from Little Rock in response to another commenter, Derringer following Taber’s insipid column. I thought it was kinda cute:

From Finance Minister Jim Flaherty to Senator Mike Duffy, the Conservatives are everywhere, feverishly making spending and good-news announcements.

…that’s the problem with our current C.R.A.P party…they feverishly spend Canadian taxpayers money!…BUT…Derringer has prescribed a cure for our incompetent spendthrifts…

…Derringer

8/9/2010 5:52:06 PM
Warning of New Disease to hit CANADA in Fall of 2010

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim (Harperalis strain)

The Ontario Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It’s pronounced “Gonna re-elect ‘em,” and it is a terrible affliction.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

Many victims contracted it in 2006…but it is only now that most people, after having been infected for the past few years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.
It’s sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.

You take the first dose in 2010 (HST variant) and the second dose in 2012 and simply don’t engage in such behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Most ridings are already on top of this, like many in the north, and apparently now in the east, with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

…election please!

Somebody tweeted this morning that an MP wanted to change the Canadian flag because of some poll  in South America said that the maple leaf looked like a pot plant.  I’m not sure if she meant John McKay, who is one of the more conservative Liberal MPs though. I did some research and couldn’t find a Canadian federal MP by the name of Ian McKay, but I could be wrong.  In fact, I couldn’t find any stories or articles pertaining to this, but then again, given the outlandish excuses the Harpercons give for their actions, nothing would surprise me anymore. If anybody knows or has heard about any of this, please share in comments, which is now back up and running, by the by.

True or not, I once again became inspired after a lengthy hiatus from my satirical art and created what I think would be Master Steve’s vision for the new Canadian flag. And kids, it’s not recognizable; just like the way he’s turning Canada. No more red! Can’t have that! That’s a Liberal party colour; the same colour that represents communism, like red China.   Anyhow,  enjoy!

Damn! Perhaps I should have drawn the rectangle to shape the flag! Oh well!

It  would stand to reason that if the maple leaf  was the main reason for changing the flag, then the maple leaf inside the big blue ‘c’ would have to go too.

Happy Saturday Night!

I mean, we’re all bad people, aren’t we?

Springer, the latest to dare any of the pro-maintaining the mandatory long census form to promote “send us to jail for not filling out the census!” Well, read and weep for yourselves:

Not once yet have I read or heard where one of them has the guts to come right out and state for the record that, yes, people definitely should be threatened with fines and/or prison in order to get said information. And not once yet have I read or heard of a media jockey posing that exact question to anyone.

Is that a dare, Springer?

He ain’t the first. Ex-Lax Max Bernier took a crack at that same silly argument.

Why yes, Springer. How dare the Harpercons deprive us of going to jail for not filling the mandatory census long form! I say we do hard time, toute de suite! In fact, we should all fight for a cell block with Clifford Olson or Paul Bernardo! I mean, isn’t that what Master Steve and cheerleaders like you have been touting? Canadians are inherently bad people? That the crime rate isn’t back down to the way it was in the 50s in the era of “Father Knows Best”? C’mon! Master Steve is building those big-assed prisons; surely, they’s big enough for us derelicts who refuse to fill in their census forms.

On a serious note though, and opposition parties, you may wanna take notes, here.  Aren’t you part of that group that justifies wholeheartedly imprisoning people in substandard conditions for simply speaking against the good word of your “savior”, Steve?  Ain’t you the ones who think no one should be allowed to protest anything in the streets or anywhere else for that matter? What did your buddy, Dean Del Mastro call dissenters, again? Oh yeah! It’s coming back to me now; hooligans! Thugs! Anarchists! 

Ain’t you the ones who were just fine with making a childhood toy like bubble kits dangerous and illegal weapons?

Aren’t you part of the group who was just peachy keen about cops ripping prosthetic legs off of bodies of amputees  & then have them physically dragged savagely simply because they wanted their voice heard in a civilized manner?

Ain’t you also the group that wants to lock up 14 year olds with hardened rapists and serial killers?

Ain’t you the ones who demand minimum sentences for simple posession of marijuana joints?

Ain’t you the ones who were all gung ho about turning Toronto into an armed camp during G20 festivities?

As for your commentators,  well, Anon number 1 can really use their prozac with their ovaltine.

Oh whip me, beat me, make me fill in the long form! I’ve been a naughty recalcitrant worm, please Big Bro, steal from me and abuse me some more – I’m really getting off on it.

Oh I get wet when I think of the dank jail cell and beatings I’ll get for refusing to fill in the long form. Please bring back punishment in census taking, we’ve all been so naughty and need nanny’s whip.

Statist flunky and full time masochist

Again, they’re more than likely ok with that group who is fine with beating those who dare counter the good word of Harpercon to a bloody pulp.

Really Rich!

Above all, Stay classy!

Ah Heh! Heh! Nice havin’ ya, but  when are you leavin’ already?

Protesters? What Protester? Police State? What Police State?

We all remember what kind of a public spanking Clucking Christy, our chickenhawk of the Grope & Fail got when she jumped on heavily redacted documents and basically threw Richard Colvin under the bus.

But do you think she learned?

No!!! Of course not!! Old habits seem to die hard with our chickenhawk.

Go! Read Dave at The Galloping Beaver. He has all the sordid details of how Toronto’s  lying police chief Bill Blair getting the biggest war mongering columnist who will jump at any opportunity to defend that war, now, including taking certain shortcuts, like not researching facts to back up the questionable statements of a police chief who has already admitted to playing fast and loose with the laws and creative licensing with the truth.

Gotta luv how our clucking Chickenhawk columnist is willing to throw a credible man like Richard Colvin to the lions but believe a disgraced (ok, he ain’t…yet..but, he should be!)  police chief. Go figure!

Here’s a thought, Christy, stop blathering and actually enlist in the Canadian military; sign up for Afghanistan if you’re so gung-ho. It would be far more constructive than your columns, that’s for sure.

Blogging Tory Hunter just can’t comprehend why Torontonians are pissed off because of their newly created  police state (if it isn’t a police state in the literal sense, it comes damned close!) while they welcome  other activities:

Why not? They didn’t seem to have a problem when the unions stunk the city up with garbage. The Tamil Tiger protests shut down huge parts of Toronto, and that was okay, but world leaders coming to Toronto is a problem?

The folks of Toronto didn’t bitch about the garbage strike?  Well, of course not! It meant they wouldn’t have to take a shower, thus, their B.O. would blend in!  Oh dear, she’ll (or her other Blogging SupposiTory Friends) probably think I’m serious.

Yeah Go figure! These  darndest Torontonians not happy to welcome world leaders.  How dare they get uppity for wanting access to a hospital if they’re sick and if they are in a hospital, they don’t wanna be turfed to parts unknown.  How dare they demand compensation for business lost in a city under siege!   How inconsiderate of them to want to move freely and/or talk to whomever they like! How selfish of them to not want to miss a few days’ pay for not being able to go to work.

Oh, yes, and Hunter how exactly do Canadians benefit from citizens of Toronto being trapped?  How do Canadians benefit if sick folks like my dad gets turfed out of their  hospital bed to parts unknown so Steve can have his overblown photo op? Or if they (my dad) are chronically ill where the potential necessity of a visit  to a Hospital ER at any given time is a part of life suddenly couldn’t get access to one because of your Dreamy Stevie.   No jokes! She really does feel her legs tingle at the thought of our St-Stevie.

Oh and about Toronto being culture-less, well, given you’re from Edmonton… where the idea of culture is springing the extra  0.25$ for french vanilla high fructose corn syrup in your Timmy Horton’s iced-cap! (No offense to Progressive bloggers from Alberta meant; you have my deepest  sympathies).

As I said, hun, TO don’t particularly care for you neither! Not even those world leaders you gush over. Which one do you gush over by the by?

Now, the below pic is an excellent example of how Fake Lake could have been done on the cheap. It is breathtaking indeedy!

There, now how cool is that? And unlike the 2,000 000$ one, this one has more authenticity because it’s outdoors.  All that for under…200$ perhaps? Am I being generous?

And looky here! Nice real foliage as a very nice fresh colourful backdrop for photo ops too!

Comes with Fake Muskoka chairs to boot. Wait! Maybe they are real! Oh Crap! I don’t know what’s fake and what’s real anymore!

Don’t know about you, but this scenario just screams poetry in the making. If this doesn’t inspire journalists from abroad…

Photo was posted on Twitpic by @ktorrie