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I Have Seen The Light! Farewell Progressive Bloggers!

Yes I have seen the light indeedy!  This will also come as a complete shock to my co-bloggers and anyone who has ever contributed here, as well as those ladies at Dammit Janet who nominated Sister Sage’s Musings for best feminist blog at the Canadian Blog Awards.

I was born again this morning.  I will be attending church every morning and attending bible study class instead of  activities that involve that silly idea of ousting Stephen Harper from office. Yes, that’s right! I will no longer be denigrating him, for he really is the best PM in the world and will really be protecting women and our children. I mean, c’mon!  Income splitting! It just doesn’t get much better than that.  After reading Sandy Crux’s list of all of  PM Harper’s accomplishments, I am only now realize what I’ve been missing all these years.

Iggy is dead wrong. We need to sacrifice universal health care and post-secondary education for jails and beautiful fighter jets.  Canada and the rest of the world is just too dangerous and we’re all just too wishful, sinful and must change our wicked ways.

Besides, you know what happens when we educate kiddies, they start to think and make fact based opinions. How are we supposed to achieve a Conservative Canada if we allow that to happen?

As for health care, c’mon people. Only the uber rich can really contribute economically and the poor suck it dry, so why shouldn’t the poor sacrifice health care so that the rich can continue to contribute?

My husband has also woken up a born again Zionist and will be gung ho to volunteer on team Saulie Zajdel in Mount-Royal. Why? Because my husband knows Harper’s done such a fantabulous job with the economy, so he thinks he’ll also make a great co-PM for Benjamin Netanyahu. Go team Zionist!

I’m going to join Suzanne’s crusade to save fetuses , oops! Force of habit.  I mean live babies from predatorial lefty feminazis who do nothing but seek to kill them off.  We do need future Conservatives, you know.

The real leading feminist in the blogosphere is none other than Hunter.  I mean, only she can properly dissect the deep dark secrets when she asks “Where are the feminists?”

My favourite media idols are now Margaret Wente, Christy Blatchford and of course, my feminist mentor, Barbara Kay.  Yes, even Tasha Kheirridin is just too radical for me.

From here on out, I will no longer think outside of the box. In fact, I won’t think at all!  That’s what my husband is for.  I will no longer ask questions; again, I’m just a girl and it isn’t up to me to ask the hard questions.  From now on, my aim in life is to be the best darn li’l stepford wife and conservative I can to my husband.

And yes, Dr Roy Eappen, you’re the best darned endocrinologist there is and those uppity patients are lucky to have you!

So, ladies, that’s it, now. Have many babies. Get your daughters to reproduce.  Or ethnic minorities will really become ethnic majorities and we can’t have that now, can we?

Logan, you’re still young,  think about that large family you’re going to have.  Jymn, you dirty hippie, smarten up!  Orwell’s Bastard (oooh, it’s creepy just saying the ‘B’ word),  quit behaving like a commie. Kim, start being more patriotic now and you really should attend more church socials.  Toronto Emerg, it’s been awhile; because she’s seen the light, too??  If you haven’t, I hope you do!

So, farewell Progressive Bloggers! I hope you see the light too, now.

13 comments to I Have Seen The Light! Farewell Progressive Bloggers!

  • Owen Gray

    Jonathan Swift would be pleased.

  • Jymn

    Awaiting reaction from the Craigslist Cons.

    ck Reply:

    Yeah, I thought about auditioning to be a paid Conservative Commenter, you know, make a few extra bucks on the side while I show others to the see the light as I have.

  • Ren

    ooh ooh ooh!

    Can I say it?

    APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!

  • rww

    You couldn’t pick a better day.

  • pogge

    In fact, I won’t think at all! That’s what my husband is for.

    Perfect!

  • ledaro

    Good one. For few seconds I took you seriously and then I remembered April 1st. :) :)

  • deBeauxOs

    Ladies? LADIES?? LADIES???

    Who are you calling a lady?

    Oh. Wait.

    ;^p

  • Mentarch

    Hmmmm … maybe I should begin to reconsider my atheist, secular reasoning as well?

    But how can I achieve this, other than by losing my mind utterly and completely?

    ;-)

  • Lorne

    Your heading took me aback. Thank the Good Lord that irony is alive and well!

  • Scotian

    *APPLAUSE!*

    Thank you for one of the best laughs I have had all week! Some classic lines in this piece, like the one quoted above about having your husband do your thinking for you, but I also really liked “So, ladies, that’s it, now. Have many babies. Get your daughters to reproduce. Or ethnic minorities will really become ethnic majorities and we can’t have that now, can we?” What a polite way to sum up this sentiment, which alas is far from a small minority view within the modern NA conservative mindset these days.

    As Owan Gray said, Swift would be proud to see his legacy living on like this

  • Linda

    I knew right away, nope that’s not her. What’s going on, has she flipped her gourd. Then, I too remembered April fools day. She won’t have to be put in the McNair unit, after all.

  • ck, you didn’t fool me for a minute! Well done!