Putin: Hey man, that whole G20 thing. Masterful handling, dude. I watch the youtube videos all the time.
Harper: Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself. (fist bumping) That whole Pussy Riot thing sent chills up my leg.
Putin: Dirty fucking hippies! (calming down) We don’t have loyal party-line music here in Russia like your Nickleback. “How You Remind Me” gets me every time.
Harper: (admiringly) Alberta bred, through and through. “How You Remind Me” is good but “Someday” kicks major ass.
Putin (thinking) Mmmm, a rock band that reflects my party. Must look into this.
Harper: OK, let’s get back to business. What about this Syria mess?
Putin: Fuck. That whole shitstorm puts us in an awkward position, yes?
Harper. That’s a mother. On the one hand you gotta give props to Assad. He’s a royal motherfucker. Hehe. Knew how to keep his people in line.
Putin: But he’s outta control.
Harper: We have to do something. Such a pity. (shaking head) Such discipline. Such control. He owned the media!
Putin: Oh, don’t mention the fucking media! Although, props on the media in your country. You really have them eating out of your hand. How did you do it?
Harper: Money. And Vlad, I gotta say you guys have been a big influence. Pravda. Brilliant.
Putin: But you have Sun Media, Postmedia and the editors of the Globe & Mail by the balls, no?
Harper: Yeah, but they sometimes go rogue. This whole McMaher thing is a fucking nuisance.
Putin: (leaning over, softly) In my country we have ways of handling assholes like them.
Harper (knowingly and longingly). Yeah.
(Putin assistant interrupts, advising the leaders it is time for photos and press questions)
Harper: So Vlad, what do we tell ‘em we decided?
Putin: Oh, the usual. All the questions will be about Syria, anyway.
Harper: How about: we agree to disagree?
Putin: That works.
X-posted at Let Freedom Rain