The people of BC have been polling at 80% against pipelines and tankers off the coast for years. Since the Seventies in fact. Last week, the PostMedia admitted that Harper’s vision of pipelines to the coast and tankers from there to China, are dead in the water (so to speak).
So they must’ve all got together in some backroom somewhere in Cowtown and written a play.
It goes something like this.
Act IChristy Clark, in a demure outfit that brings out her eyes, which almost brim with tears, Lights, cameras roll…Stomping a well heeled foot and shaking a tiny, bejeweled fist in the air, she declares,“Well, fiddle-dee-dee! British Columbians will not stand for this deal! This is Not Acceptable!! We have a bottom line!!!”Cut to Alison Redford, strangely attired in a severe black turtleneck, layered with a utilitarian working class apron, feverishly flipping flapjacks in the glaring Calgary sun. Grimly, she mutters between clenched lips that “Alberta will not share Royalties! This is unconstitutional!! The Nerve!!!”
Let us pause here, I’m sure you, gentle reader, need a breath of fresh air. Deep breaths. And a shot of that Pure Alberta Vodka. Now, we can see that what these actresses are doing is reframing the question, from
“Where the hell does Clark stand on these issues that are so vital to the future of our Province?”,
“What’s in it for us?”
While commentary in the press and their comment threads obediently change tack and ask the wrong question, inevitably the tone of these threads deteriorates quickly into divisive, sophomoric personal and regional attacks. According to the plan. There is an element of Good Cop/ Bad Cop here which is designed to play well in both provinces, with BC (allegedly) calmed by the sudden appearance of our
notPremier, eyes flashing, like Scarlet O’Hara defending her beloved Tara, juxtaposed against Meryl Streep’s Iron Lady, defending her homeland against the Communist/Socialist hoardes and you begin to get the plot.
Act II ushers in the Law. The big Guns ride into town on the four horses of the Apochalypse, led by Sheriff Stephen Harper, resplendent in his white Stetson and completed by the silver star badge proudly displayed on his blue flannel shirt. His flinty eyes squint into the relentless Alberta glare as his thin lips purse into a resolute line. His hair, a helmet of patriarichal perfection and control, his lips, however, betray a pink moistness like lipgloss.Flanked by his henchman/deputies.Jason Kenney rides shotgun, a little dazed by his meteoric rise to the posse.Baird, in hot pursuit, mouth wide open as he roars his anger into the still Alberta air. His eyes, a baleful, narrow glare.Little Jimmy Flaherty brings up the rear of the posse on a mule, flask of Irish Whiskey in one hand. Mark Carney’s balls in the other.Daddy has come to mete out his punishment.
What does Act III hold for us, dear reader? Will Daddy spank these naughty premiers? Will they all hug and kiss and make up in an orgy of capitalism, played out in an oily, yet abrasively orgasmic crescendo of greed?
Or will the spirits of Chief Dan George and Harriet Nahanni rally the spirit of British Columbians to rise up against the tide of Fascism and defeat the forces of evil?
Tune in next time to find out…